Saturday, September 1, 2012

I'm a coward, I'm just not very good at it.

I'm a coward. And I like to define my terms because I like to be as clear as possible. It's frustrating that I can't just show you the movie that is my thoughts. (Like many autistic people, I think primarily in pictures.) No, I have to translate the movie into words and when I look up a word, each dictionary has its own definition of the word. What kind of system is that?? Can't we have one dictionary that lists the definitions with some sort of order, ranking, and context and all use that? Ahhh! So, I will link to a definition I think is close to what I mean when I think it may help express my thoughts more clearly. But I digress..

Coward. This definition fits what I mean fairly well {Fare thee well! Fare the well! Fare thee well my...sometimes I'm amazed that I get anything done with all these side bars my mind creates.}: "Coward: a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc." That's me. I'm just not very good at it. I don't think that my poor showing as a coward is the result of courage . No, I'm usually a lousy coward because I get distracted. I forget to pay attention to the "danger, difficult, opposition, pain, etc." because I'm focusing on what I want to get done. Or I just get impatient with my cowardice getting in my way. Distraction and impatience. Not as ignoble as some reasons that I can think of for being a lousy coward, but certainly not as noble as being courageous.

I'm not just rambling on this topic for no reason. I'm dependably purposeful.

I had planned to be anonymous on this blog, not wanting to face the "difficulty, opposition, pain, etc." that might come from letting my name be known. But once again, my cowardice is getting in my way, so I'm throwing off the cloak of anonymity that I wore for all of three posts (including this one) and forging ahead.

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